Inmates Sue Alcohol Companies Because Beer Made Them Do It

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There’s a hilariously frivolous civil suit coming out of the Idaho State Correctional Institution. Five inmates are suing national beer and wine companies for a staggering $1 billion. What has the alcohol industry done to these tortured individuals? They got them drunk.

The inmates, who drafted the litigation themselves, explained that alcohol has played a major role in their lives and their criminal careers. But, as the suit states, at no time prior to becoming alcoholics were they “informed” that alcohol was “habit forming and addictive.” These poor souls.

Their affidavits state that they would never have started drinking if they knew if it was habit forming. I feel the same way about pizza. One of the inmates, a 34-year-old man, was drunk when they shot and seriously injured someone back in 2001.

The inmates say that they “fear the day” they are released because they do not know if they will be able to “control the desires and craving to use alcohol.”

There have been similar mind-blowing lawsuits in the past. Like the guy who sued McDonald’s because he wasn’t informed their food can make you fat.

My favorite sue-happy inmate is Jonathan Lee Riches, who has filed something like 200 lawsuits. He sued NASCAR for “influencing him to speed.” He’s also tried to sue Plato, Kanye West (for being a terrorist), and “various Buddhist monks.” I’m not kidding.

If you believe hard enough, there’s a lawsuit everywhere you look…I’m thinking about suing water. Just water in general. And cats…wretched cats…

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